I Chased an Ambulance Tonight

My colleague and I had been walking around looking for some compelling footage to shoot for a documentary exercise for directing class. We captured a few things, not extraordinary we knew, but still, something. I was on my way back home crossing Tiong Bahru Rd, when I saw an ambulancing flashing lights toward the bus stop. I was going to ignore it, but I went out of my way to walk after it.

I'd just see what it's about I told myself. I'm just going to smoke my cigarette and wait a little I told myself. On the way to finding a good perch to watch things, I grazed the back of a passing field mouse with my foot, barely registering its little squeal.

I framed things up nicely: a descending staircase leading down to the empty orange stretcher, barely perceptible flashing lights seeping into the frame. Slow disclosure you see, I was going to hold this frame and let the drama unfold into it. I practiced a pan left and right so I knew where my end frame would be on the right with the ambulance flashing and hopefully exiting out. I was hoping also that the whole thing would unfold under ten minutes since that's all I had left in my Flip.

I had these great ideas in my head: I'd ride around in an ambulance and capture all this trauma around me for my doc. Compelling stuff. Real stuff. One more puff of the cigarette and I let it go since it'd served its purpose in getting me here to shoot this thing.

Soon I heard some sort of clanking and there was the first EMT bringing back the oxygen and setting the stretcher upright. I held the frame, and let him enter it. I looked behind him to see what I was waiting for. In another EMT's arms was a young boy, his mouth covered by a respirator, his legs dangling out and his mother walking beside him, her hand on his arm.

I shut off the camera. I turned and kept walking until I got home. I've never been so ashamed in my whole life. That was pure exploitation and dehumanization for the sake of what, homework? And even if it was for a film (whatever that is), for what purpose was I getting this image? Was this what I came down to? A fetishist for imagery without meaning?

There are people who say that you can't see what happened outside the frame. I refute this. If we are to judge a director's control of the medium and vision within the frame then I believe that same rigor must be applied to what comes before and after. We are responsible to the subjects we capture, the cast, the crew and the audience. If that frame hasn't been captured in good faith, then to me, it's tainted and worthless. If this is the callous kind of film I will be producing, may I have the strength to recognize this, to quit and to find an honest way to make a living instead.